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Iapos;ve made it through two days of work. Thank goodness I have tomorrow off.
Everything is still in slow motion. As long as I keep myself busy Iapos;m good. Its when things slow down or at night that it gets worse. When Iapos;m alone with my thoughts.

And f that shite that happened in Ny today.

I also get really easily annoyed when stupid and lazy shite happen since thatapos;s pretty much what led to the death...


Iapos;m going to try and go to the movies tomorrow so I can hopefully laugh again...at Simon Pegg

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benihana mn

Hey mona AKA Kalaam, again its time for you to fucking disappear. Or you know what? Your brother gets a nice facebook message with the posts you made about your boyfriend finding it so hot when he cums inside of you without any protection. Yeah, you dumb slut, your parents are gonna love that. Think im playing a game you little whore? try me, i got the screen shots ready. Nice little pure hypocrite muslim girl gtfo out of davis. O ya i 4got 2, i have it web archived in case your brother is skeptical, shit i might gt on the phone right now and give them a call with the links.

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country epicure

Did I mention how much I love that steam mop Ok, I will shut up about it. I do have a few complaints about it, but nothing big.
I have two animals and there is hair everywhere, so when I vaccum I always miss hair, this thing kinda just gathers it up in places so I can easily pick it up with a paper towel so it makes it really easy. Just dun put your damn foot near the thing, cuz well, its hot.
I bought a yummy cucumber mint candle yesterday at target. I have that burning right now, so YAY.
I am on season two of Greys anatomy. It is a pretty good show. I have been wanting to get some tv shows I am interested in. So now I have true blood and this. Though true blood I have to wait for Jason to download every week because we donapos;t get HBO.
Ok, so onto another episode.

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Iapos;m pretty good at vocalizing what I mean. I like to talk to people and have conversations about anything. So me and my roommate went to see W. Tonight and we started talking about govt and politics and all that good stuff. But she never really said exactly what she meant because she would always end with apos;well, i donapos;t know, I donapos;t know what Iapos;m talking about.apos;
I would like to talk to people who know what their talking about. I donapos;t care if its right or wrong, i just want to hear them.

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caicco

Today started off on a pretty bad note. I got a message from Nicole asking me if Iapos;m going to the tennis meeting at 12. Meeting? WHAT�MEETING?

I canapos;t believe I wasnapos;t informed about this

Call me petty, call me immature, but since I wasnapos;t informed ( or since Iapos;m not part of the team ) , I donapos;t see any reason why I should go. And I just couldnapos;t bring myself to cook up some lame excuse for not going when Iapos;m already boiling inside. So yea, you people can just do your own little team thing and leave me out of this, since Iapos;m not wanted. F***ing doucebags.

Come to thing of it, could it be a sign from heaven to tell me to just quit it? I mean, so many things are pointing me away from it. First, itapos;s the Europe trip, then itapos;s my job. How the hell am I supposed to juggle my studies, my job, my cca, and the planning of the trip, all at once? Inevitably, I have to sacrifice one of them. Since I canapos;t sacrifice my studies and I do not want to sacrifice my job OR the trip, maybe I should just let the team go. Maybe I should.




Random thoughts


1)�� Have you ever felt like you know someone, but actually you donapos;t? I donapos;t get why I cant even say a simple apos;hiapos; or just give a nice smile�� to�him when I see him. It makes me seem so, so, unfriendly I wouldnapos;t say that Iapos;m an extremely friendly person, but the fact that I always try to avoid bumping into him makes me feel extremely bad, anti-social, and D-like.

ARGGGGGG




2)�� My cold sore has reemerged, after a year of absence. Horrible feeling to have a swell on your lips. Itapos;s ugly-looking and gives the wrong impression of me. I mean, people only get cold sores when they do something dirty, IF YOU�KNOW�WHAT�I�MEAN. And obviously, I have never done it, and did not french someone who is infected with it, so it doesnapos;t really make much sense to me.

Cold sore please go away asap



3)��� Iapos;m working again tomorrow, and Iapos;m trying my best not to harbour any negative feelings towards it. I hope I donapos;t meet any unreasonable people tomorrow. On that note, I just have to tell myself to suck it up.



4)���� Travbuddy is such an awesome website, and it makes you realise that people can be so nice to one another, when they havenapos;t even met each other in person.



5)���� I really, really want to go Europe so badly. My mind lingers on the day I finally step foot on European soil, and the many sights and sounds I get to encounter. The Eiffel Tower, Notre Dame Cathedral, Berlin Wall, the Swiss lakes, WIMBLEDON. Oh Wimbledon, the Holy Grail of tennis. When i get to London, you shall be MINE.



6)���� I wish thereapos;ll be at least one person in each city that weapos;re going, who will allow us to leach off him/her. Do I feel bad? Actually I donapos;t. >.<


7)���� Tattoo?








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abhidharma pitaka

Yesterday was a pretty suck ass day.
i made it to about 2pm without xanax though. And actually i took a half pill because i was shaking so much I couldnapos;t work easily. At lunch I was super self concious about having issues getting the fork in my mouth with my shaky hand and then a co-worker handed me some papers that my hands shook and they rustled as i held them. So, i took a half not cause i was anxious but too stop the shakes.
I hope itapos;s still my body getting used to the Paxil and not my body withdrawing from a Xanax addiction.

but...

then i got home.
and i was already feeling a little emo.
but i got home and realized how ALONE i was and how much i MISSED HIM and then just let it all out.
i cried for a good half an hour and just stared at the ceiling wondering what the hell went wrong.
It felt good and it was a relief that the Paxil hasnapos;t turned me into a complete emotional zombie which Iapos;m terrified of.

i had "big" plans last night to do some shopping at Target and a scrapbook page but at that point i was too distraught and emotionally exhausted to do anything but sit on the couch and stare at the boob tube. Itapos;s funny when "big plans" equate to anything other than sitting on my couch. Itapos;s been years since iapos;ve been a "couch sitter" and Iapos;m worried about how good it feels.

Itapos;s almost the weekend, and while iapos;m usually the first to put on Loverboy and rejoice I now fear the long 2 days of emptiness and nonstructure.

The only positive so far is i think the dogs are more calmer with me around more. Charo has stopped shaking so much and Herschel has stopped whining alot. The last two nights Charo has slept up at my head and spooned my back which is nice and warm - i love hearing and feeling her warm little breathing.

Oh, and I have now sent off 4 resumes to places in A2. All blind and unsolicited. Donapos;t even know if theyapos;re worth following up on. My goal this weekend is to send out 6 more - 10 is a nice round number. Thereapos;s got to be 6 more places I can scour the apos;net to find
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fats dominoe missing

First of all, iapos;m scared of bugs.�My biggest fear is bugs. Bugs are the whole thing that can bring me to tears in a few seconds. And for the longest time, my parents and family always teased me about it. The teasing always made it worse.

Well, my dad always teases me about it.�But tonight, he took it to a whole new level. What happened was probably my worse nightmare.

It all started when some how a huge grasshopper got into the house.�He was 1-2 inches long. He was spazing out and everything.�As normal, i started to freak out.�But, i was able to stay calm, collected, and not cry.�I went to my parents room to ask them to get rid of it.�They said no. So i figured I could probably stand for another hour or so or when i go to bed and my dog will eat it in the morning. So, i came out and started messing with the computer.�Shortly after, my dad comes out and asks were it is.�I�pointed to where it was at and got up to go hide in the near-by bathroom.�I knew what would happen if i stayed out.�I would get teased.�He told me that it was dead and gone. Always, after he said that, it was safe and he wouldnapos;t mention anything. I walked out and hes like "I got nothing" so, i figured it was okay.�Well, he said that there was a "present" in the small medicine box next to the mouse were my hand was at. I screamed and loudly. I ran into my moms room, screaming my head off.�My mother is just laughing.�Well, my dad is coming so i run into his bathroom and locked the door. He asked�"Are you going to stay in the shitter all night?"�ANd i just replyed with a yes. This went on for a minute or two until he threatened to throw a bunch of crickets and grasshoppers under the door. So, i decided to open the door.�He said that he was sorry.�I just ignored him and walked out SLAMMING the door and very loud. After a few seconds, my dad comes out after me. After another 5 minuters of him trying to tell me that he wasnapos;t going to do anything and there was nothing here. He tried to say hes sorry. But, i donapos;t accept it. Which leaves me to here, writing on LJ. All of that was probably my worse nightmares.�I was crying so hard and i was shaking in fear. He said he didnapos;t know i was that scared of them......I hate my father.
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So Iapos;m going to Washington DC for the STAND National Student Conference. Itapos;s happening November 7-9, which is a lot closer than I thought. We will be leaving Thursday on a red-eye and coming back Sunday evening. We will be staying with local college students, so itapos;s free. As of now all I have to pay for is my $50 registration fee, food, and maaaaybe transportation if I canapos;t hitch a ride to the conference with whomever Iapos;m staying.

Iapos;m so excited to learn everything.

Hopefully we will have time to go to the National Museum of African Art. My Humanities of Africa class has made me want to see African art in person. Hopefully that museum will have nkisi figures.

I just got out of a meeting with WWUapos;s student-run TV station. I might be working as crew on a musical next quarter. Donapos;t know exactly what I will be doing, but it will be good to get involved.

That reminds me... The stage manager for Sleepy Hollow should be contacting me soon about being part of the crew for that. Iapos;m about to get even more busy.

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Arggh ich hab mir die Sehnen im linken Bein total�verrissen x__X Keine Ahnung wie ich das angestellt hab, wahrscheinlich bl�d aufm B�rostuhl gesessen zu lang. Jedenfalls tut das abartig weh, vom Fu� bis in den Oberschenkel und ich tu mich schwer mit dem Laufen... Aber da muss ich durch D: Wir laufen ja eh nich so viel aufm Ausflug glaub ich. (wenn dann lass ich mich kutschieren, ehe 8D XDD)

Uaah... Drei L�ffel Pudding und schon is mein Magen voll Xapos;D Wahnsinn *Futtern gar nimma gewohnt is* Heute Mittag hatt ich Reibekuchen/Ritschi/Reibedatschi/Kartoffelpuffer, wie mans nennen will XD Normalerweise stopf ich 7-10 St�ck in mich rein - heute war ich nach einem satt und hab die restlichen zwei mit M�h und Not halb am Kotzen runtergew�rgt...xapos;D

Boaah ich krieg son Hass auf Weihnachten und Adventskalender durch die Arbeit... *st�ndig an dem Schei� drankleb* =_= *viel lieber Hotel-Seite in HTML-Coden w�rd* Ich find PowerPoint so schon nervig und langweilig. Jetz kenn ich echt jede Pore und Funktion davon und hab geh�rig die Schnauze voll. Gestern dacht ich mir noch "..ah" als meine Muddern mir n Adventkalender geschenkt hat... XD War sogar recht froh dass sie an mich gedacht hat. �u (im... Oktober.) Aber... Derselbe wie letztes Jahr?XD Das fand ich daneben._.XD

Ahh mein Magen... XD Versau mir nich den Tag *ma wieder besser f�hl nur um wieder abzust�rzen iwann* Aber lassen se sich den Tag nich versauen �u XD


Loki
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